Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize