Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
