So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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