Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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