i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
