No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
