Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
