Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
