Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
