i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
