I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
