oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I deserve this hangover.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
