It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
