My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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