brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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