a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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