It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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