Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
