Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
