a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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