we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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