i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Everything about him screamed your future.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
