Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
