nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
