Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
