my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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