Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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