Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
