last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
