I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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