The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize