I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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