I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
