I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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