i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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