I can text with my tongue
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
