so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
