my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Who died my cat blue again?
how drunk are you?
Several
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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