Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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