Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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