so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude i'm inner monologue high
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
