A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
