I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
