Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it was like eating out sand paper
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
