true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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