she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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