Jerry, you need to find god
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
