I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
