my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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