I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
