I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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