Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
