theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
