White coat. Heels.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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