dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
