i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
