well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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