im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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