This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
