I puked a lego.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
