so let's talk penis.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
