1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
