please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
