Will you blow on my dice?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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