Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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