Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
