at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
