True but thats because hes a fetus.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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