Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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