I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
