In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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