i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
